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Island Tales
by: Nick Rhodes (well, not really.)

Day 1

I have just arrived with my bandmates on this fly-ridden island for that god-forsaken contest that Simon convinced me to take part in called Survivor. The first day isn't too bad. The menu is pretty much vegetarian so, no worries there as long as I don't have to eat a bloody rat like that first show. I requested Tofu-Rat if I have to eat one. They smiled and nodded at me rather enthusiastically. I took it to mean that they might accommodate me on that regard. All in all the fellas have settled down into thier spots in various tents on and around the beach.
Andy believes he should be the one to dictate where the "bon-fire" shall be put but was unable to carry the logs due to previous "back injuries" or so he claims. Warren how ever had a different idea of things and wanted the fire next to his tent. I settled the issue by getting a wee bit pissy at him in this regard. John figures he can catch fish with his mouth like a whale or something while Simon seemed more interested in the coconuts on the girls in the native village not to far from here.
I, on the other hand, have made progress by bringing can opener and sneaking a lighter and can of Progresso in my shoe. Then I consumed a bottle of wine that I hid inside my sleeping bag.
Warm on the outside and inside I lay my head down to sleep on the stupid rocks. Lovely.

Day 2

Morning: There is to be a challenge today but I find that the biggest challenge on this trip may be putting up with Simon's "body oder". If not Warren's too when he runs out of "Sure". Time for breakfast.
Simon is off for some coconuts with Andy. Whilst, I will refuse John's fish breakfast. Roger, however, partakes of it. Disgusting. I think I'll stick with the bananas on the trees, but first I need to figure out how to get it down. No accommodating ladders here. And no bottled water, which I already miss.

Night: I am very worn out. Rock climbing was NOT in the booklet. I am not amused with Simon's snickering about my ruined pair of Italian shoes at the moment. I am very tired and still refusing John's half baked idea in eating his poorly cooked fish. I am, however, impressed that he caught one. I just don't want charcoal fish that has previously been in someones mouth. Roger got the immunity, but just for the record I know he put his foot on Warren's face during the climb up. Tonight I shall retire with a small pinch of red wine. No solution for the bananas yet, but I am working on it.

Day 3

No morning notes today. I was unable to write or use my hand due to falling out of a banana tree during Breakfast. I did, however, get a bunch of bananas to fall on Simon's head. He was unharmed, amazingly.
The bad news is that the bananas are all very green. No food today. I am still not interested in John's tropical version of Big Mouth Bass fish.

Day 4

Another challenge beats me. Swinging from vines this time. I have come to am impass with yet another banana tree. This time it was in mid-air. A nice black and blue bruise on my forehead marks the spot where the tree and I made contact. Simon won that challenge and immunity. I wish I could win immunity from his current smells. John did not come back from the natives village this morning after being escorted by a pair of coconut girls. Simon wished he had gone and complained of being asleep when John had left. After I had suggested that John may have been eaten... Simon changed his mind. Time to go to the Tribal Counsel meeting and vote someone off. The bananas have not ripened yet and I hope it will be me.

Day 5

Morning: I was not voted off. I was the only one that voted for me. I know that this was cheating but I was desperate. Breakfast is starting to become almost as big of a challenge as Simon's arm pits. But those I am somewhat accustomed to. Starvation, I am not. The bananas are still green and John is still not back from the natives. I was hoping he would return with food or at least catch some of his mouthy fish. The other fellas are useless when it comes to food. I have seen them sneaking around with candybars and junkfood. I would very much like to know where the snack machine is that those bastards are getting them from. I must calm myself and think good thoughts for today is another challenge. My forehead is purple today. I hope I can go home soon. I forgot my cover-up and would like to have dyed my hair to match. It wouldn't show up as badly after that, I think.

Night: Andy and Roger found John. He had been crowned King and was eating the native feast. Simon was rather pissy that he wasn't invited to the celebration and complained that he was always left out of such things. He walked off mumbling something about having a lack of coconuts.
I'm not sure I want to know about it. I have actually won the challenge today but, I managed to miss the mention of immunity. This was not the award I wanted. The challenge was to wade in mud and dung to the other side of a pit. I wasn't going to go but Simon and John got into a shoving match over coconuts again. Needless to say I was shoved as well. The mud was very cold and I was out just as quickly as I went in.
Mouth fish can be very tasty if well cooked. Forehead is still purple and I am running out of red wine.

Day 6

Good news and Bad news. Good: The bananas are finally ripe and they are so delicious that I could live of of them alone, almost. Bad news: I am officially out of red wine. My situation has gone from bad to worse.
The Tribal Counsel was held and I forgot to mention that Warren was the first voted off. The reasoning was that they were tired of looking at that red and white flowery tanktop he was wearing everyday. I have to admit that I was getting tired of it as well. Poor Roger also wanted to be voted off but John insisted we needed him for snorkeling. John has this nutty idea that Roger can catch bigger fish in the ocean with a bamboo stick. I am not going to touch that one. Andy was voted off. He argued with John earlier this morning about bamboo breathing instrument and how it was to be constructed. I fixed the customized contraption for Roger and gave it to it's rightful but grimacing owner.

Day 7

Morning: Roger CAN catch bigger fish! And they were delish! There is to be another challenge today. I believe I can loose poorly and piss off the others quite well today. See, I have NO red wine. Bananas and mouthy fish have been my diet for a few very long days now. I can not write much for now, I need to go over to John and see if I can start a fight or two. It is my hope to loose and get voted off this hellish island once and for all! My bruise is now completely plum coloured.

Night: I can't believe this! I won the immunity again! I succeeded in pissing off John and Simon both today, but I am still in the game and on this stupid island. The challenge was too eat and keep down 10 candy bars. Simon, John and Roger were all so sick from eating candy bars and fish for breakfast that they could not keep the food down. I, on the other hand, had eaten very little fish and a few bananas and coconuts prior. I was able to keep down all the candy bars. I did get one nice thing from winning immunity... a nice cold water bottle filled with purified water. Hence the reason why the boys are pissed. If it wasn't for that blasted immunity I would be voted off tomorrow.